Gazing at the horizon

Pedaling home one crisp Seattle autumn evening after my Tuesday evening class on Buddhist philosophy, my mind was like a still pool of water, mirroring the twinkling lights of the city and the infinite darkness above. We had covered the full philosophical spectrum in our meditations and discussions – from the beginningless continuum of mind to the theory that we’ve all been circling from life to life, leaving a pile of bones higher than Mount Everest in our trail – sometimes born as a mosquito or a cockroach, sometimes as a celestial being, sometimes a beggar, sometimes a king. And still we come up empty handed again and again, chasing after happiness outside our own mind – in material things, people, worldly status, and so forth – accepting the same second rate “goods” and dreams, completely confused as to the true causes of freedom.

Community Acupuncture is the latest glamour child of the acupuncture profession – at least as it is unfolding in the west. Some practitioners doubtless heard the buzz about WCA and what those radical acupunks in Portland are doing. Maybe they even got hooked on CAN practitioner forums for a while and seriously played with the idea of changing their clinic. But after a while, resistance and boredom set in. The glitter began to fade and then came the recognition that any profound and meaningful change takes time, commitment, and a mature attitude which refuses to run away when obstacles on the path are encountered. Too often, our habitual attitude is to air our dissatisfied mind, to run back and hide in our familiar dysfunctional but comfortable prison cell. It seems easier to find fault with a progressive movement or the human beings who dedicate their lives to nurturing a radical vision of justice, than it is to embrace those radical changes oneself by taking the necessary leaps of faith into the unknown.

We see this phenomenon a fair amount at our clinic. People walk in having heard about acupuncture somewhere, their eyes all aglow, ready to be zapped by some mystical eastern voodoo that they think is going to magically transport them into a blessed realm of Quantum body and ageless ego, or something equally disconnected from reality. They overlook the fact that all change begins within their own heart-mind, with openness and receptivity. Without being willing to radically let go of our known world, complete with its intricately constructed walls hemming us into our comfortable prison, we can never experience anything new.

Sure, everybody can get a little buzz from having their Chi moved around by skillful insertion of ultra-thin needles. There’s nothing wrong with that. For some people, that natural boost of endorphins (or whatever it is that actually happens) is a huge step on the path of healing. It gives them hope, relief from pain, takes the edge of their stress, and gives them a new start on life. Many diseases of the body can be quite effectively remedied with acupuncture, avoiding the potential fatal side effects of long term pharmaceutical medicine. However, we can speak of bandaid healing – fixing a car which is eventually going to fall apart (i.e. the body which at most lives 100 years plus or minus), and we can speak of a healing which transcends the limitations of this one brief lifetime.

As one of my teachers once remarked to me, "it’s very noble to aspire to develop your abilities as a healer, to reduce worldly suffering, but what about healing oneself of the disease of death and teaching that".

Similarly, as an acupuncturist or a student who may be sitting on the fence, deciding whether to follow the community acupuncture model of practice (not that there is one standard model) which one has not been exposed to before, a method which in most people is bound to push some buttons around fear and economic survival, it behooves one to take a very wide view.

It’s not difficult for me to speak out about the hubris of the acupuncture schools because my alma matter (NIAOM) went the way of the Titanic. She was a gleaming ocean liner that was seemingly ready to take on the deep and treacherous seas of the health care profession. A few careless maneuvers in the night and she vanished without a trace. How many other Titanics are out there right now, full (or half full) of students buying into the dream of a career which will pay off their enormous student loans and reward them with the American dream of plenty?

This is the cleverly packaged promise that the schools are hyping and it preys upon our deeply conditioned self-centered, materialistic foolishness – the same delusional mental forces which are destroying any viable future for our species, causing us to disregard the health of our planet’s environment, and stoking the fires of armed conflict due to an ever widening disparity between a few people living way beyond their means, and the billions living without clean water, adequate food, medicine, shelter, education and so forth.

And I, Mr. Acupuncturist, still secretly (or perhaps openly) harbor a wish to climb to the top of the medical heap and enjoy the sorts of perks that any well paid, well respected, professional in the land of plenty should expect. Okay, maybe you profess to be more modest - you aren’t interested in driving an expensive car or living in a McMansion in the suburbs. A bicycle and a two bedroom house in a fringe neighborhood will do just fine for me, thanks.

We all have our zone of comfort and just as we would exercise some reserve with our patients in advising them how to make some healthy changes, not overwhelming them with our twenty point ultimatum on how to heal, so we have to take a balanced approach with ourselves. No guilt trips here – scope out the horizon carefully for yourself and make your own decisions. All I ask is that you just have an open mind and be willing to examine your mental conditioning.

CAN is now a little over a year old. I took the leap early on to adopt a CAN/WCA inspired practice model, and haven’t regretted it for a moment. It’s been a tough year for me financially, what with my crappy health insurance policy that basically cost me almost as much for my knee surgery as it would have been without any insurance. Then there is my daughter’s kindergarten tuition, and all the rest.

However, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else. Okay, maybe I’d switch with the Dalai Lama. But life doesn’t work like that. I get to learn my lessons and go through my struggles and that’s what will be most conducive to the eventual enlightenment of this merely labeled mindstream that goes by the name “Jordan” at present. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about toughing it out through adversity. It’s essential to have some fun and laugh.

Even when I had a boutique acupuncture practice, mostly I looked forward to my work. Now, as a community acupunk, it is even better – way better, despite making a lot less money thus far (but that will eventually change). I see more people than I ever did in my conventional practice, and I am part of a larger community. That alone is way more fun. I share the clinic with another acupunk who contributes her wealth of ideas, wisdom, and humor, making CommuniChi a far richer place and all inclusive vision than I could ever create on my own. A bigger, more dynamic community means more fun, and greater potential for healing the world.

Okay, time to wrap up this ramble (for now). One of my biggest lessons in this path of community acupuncture is that the healing is not about me. I’m like the person who tunes the instruments in an orchestra. I can’t play them all simultaneously by myself. Thanks for the beautiful music everyone. Keep the wide view. Doctor heal thyself!