trying to live a balanced life

speaking of mercury retrograde... this time around it wasn't just mercury which was retrograde. neptune was also retrograde. this made for interesting living. mercury is all about communication, how you deal with your conscious life. when mercury is retrograde, communication and consciousness get all willy-nilly.
well, neptune is all about the dream life and the sub-conscious. so when it is in retrograde, these aspects of ourselves get all willy-nilly too. for a few weeks there conscious and sub-conscious living were out of whack. did you all feel it?
the neptune thing was particularly strong for me this time around. this geyser-like desire to create art started bubbling so strongly inside me, that i thought it might actually burst and leave me in a thousand incoherent pieces. it came in my dreams and in my random thoughts. it came in deja-vus and in strange intuitive type moments. i couldn't get away from it.
you see, before i was an acupuncturist, i (sort of) made my living as a working artist. music was my main medium. but there was puppetry, silkscreening, circus performance, book illustrations. pay was almost inexistant, so i decided to settle down and concentrate on my career. after all, i did have a degree and i did love acupuncture. i figured it would take me about six months of putting all my energy into my practice before i could tap back into my artistic side.
well, it's been almost seven years. it feels now like it has been too long and i have forgotten how to be an artist. sort of when you have been single for too long and the idea of dating is immensely intimidating because you are afraid you don't know how anymore.
my clinic partner and i talk about how our clinic is an artistic expression of sorts, and i agree with that thought. we are creating something amazing. it changes everyday depending on what we put into it, and how others relate to it as well. it is a thing of beauty. but to tell the truth, it is more of a logistical left hemisphere kind of creation. outside of treating patients, which for me is very right-brained, the running of a clinic is a linear matter: keep track of income, numbers, bills, volunteers, schedules, payroll, inventory.
this neptune retrograde business has made it crystal clear to me that if i don't drop my inadequate feelings about my artistic self, i will never be able to be an artist again. if i don't exercise those atrophied artistic muscles now, they will disappear completely and that will be that.
so i picked up my dusty old guitar the other day, and started to play a clumsy little ditty. my brand new son was sitting in front of me and he grew completely still. he looked straight at me and smiled all the while, just listening to his mama playing this ragged song. he likes music, and we listen to different kinds everyday. but i've never seen him react like that. there was something about the energy created by the live quality of this music that make a difference to him.
"that's it!" i thought. no more slacking. come what may, i will be an artist for my own sake, but also because i owe it to my son to be the best person i can be and that includes my artist self.
i've started getting together with a friend every friday and playing music for a couple of hours together. the first week was very demoralizing. i couldn't believe that i used to be a musician for a living! i sucked! i had forgotten how to play, and how to play with others. the next week it was much better, and i am now looking forward to this friday.
if i can manage to start a clinic, have a son, and re-claim my artistic self in the span of two years, i will be pretty happy.