Big Blooper or True Confessions of a Frazzled Acupunk

This community has been posting such insightful and encouraging pieces, I am wondering if this is out of place here. I don't mean to sound too apologetic or negative, I just wrote it up a while ago because I felt it was important to tell someone. Not exactly how stupid I can be, but how easy it is to get priorities mixed up. I call it the Big Blooper:

How Do You Make It Up To An Ex-Patient Who Never Wants To Get Treated By You Again, Or You Never Know When That Next Lesson Is Going To Come Up And Smack You.

What made this even worse than the above is that it took me hours to figure out what I had done wrong. In the name of Apology to all and in the hopes that my confession may avert a similar disaster for anyone, no matter what reason, I tell my rueful story.

This happened August 2, early in the day when my volunteer and I had settled in for several hours of work. I’d had a difficult previous day, a meltdown of sorts as a backlash to some intense, sustained work completing some school assignments. (This is true, but please know that it’s not an excuse for my actions!) I had spent the day working with liver-gallbladder distress signals and wishing I were free to just drop everything and have several days of peace and recuperation. One more month of effort remained. I wasn’t completely back on my feet, but wasn’t worried about being able to do acupuncture. The first patient came in a little late, and he had some good news. He had found the solution to his problem, which I had treated with good results maybe five times, spaced out rather generously. He had to drive over 30 minutes to get to my clinic, so I didn’t push hard for more frequent visits.

He sat down and told me all that had happened at his visit to the western medical specialist, how he’d been prescribed orthotics, that one limb was longer than the other, and how he’d gone out to buy these shoes and now felt great and was so happy that the problem was solved. Years ago I had been given the same advice, and eventually found that this kind of solution not only failed to resolve the problem, it exacerbated it by giving the root problem more time to reinforce itself. As he narrated his happy news, I felt a growing indignation at the thought that this kind of medicine was still being practiced and people like my patient (alas, now my ex-patient) were still being led astray by these superficial, mechanical remedies which inevitably led to more problems in the future.

My weakened liver raised its feeble fire, and when he asked for my opinion, I gave it to him! I even said that I could be wrong, but that I thought that specialist was not right, in no uncertain terms. The poor man’s eyes widened in disbelief, then he stood up and said, “I’ll have to think about this!”, took out some cash from his wallet to give me (for canceling an appointment) and started to leave. To my credit, I did not take the cash (at least I had some presence of mind to do that!). He was very angry. When I called him later to explain that I had personally experienced those diagnoses and apologized for my passionate outburst, he was still angry.

I spent the next few hours trying to figure out what had happened. Because he was wearing those shoes, and no longer feeling any imbalance or pain, why would I have wanted to treat him anyway? I couldn’t have continued to treat him. But why did I feel so crummy about it? True, I could have been more diplomatic, could have said, I’m happy you’re better, you don’t need me anymore, don’t waste your time and money coming here anymore until you need acupuncture for something else. That didn’t satisfy me because I wouldn’t have been truthful.

Until I picked up the E-Myth Revisited late that night and glanced at a paragraph that jumped out at me: “... the customer is not always right, but whether he is or not, it’s our job to make him that way.” I realized then where I’d failed. I’d made him feel stupid, and that he’d done the wrong thing. Being caught up in the fight to protect him, I’d zealously and unknowingly stomped on his ego and self-esteem, and in that way hadn’t done my part to ease sorrow and suffering in this world by offering accessible, non-judgmental medical care. True, I wasn’t judging the patient, I was angry about the practitioner. But the patient interpreted my reaction as judging his choices. Even if I offered this person a year’s supply of free acupuncture, do you think he’d want it? I seriously doubt that.

As I look at it in hindsight, I think I should have said the same thing, basically, without dissing the other doc, and offered my opinion in a calm, professional manner, ending with an open door to help him out if he developed any problems in the future. And then taken some Long Dan Xie Gan Wan at the next opportunity.

For some of you readers, this higher-minded insight would have been an instinctive reaction from the beginning. Maybe you grew up with better role models than mine. I’m still learning this stuff, and something in me knows that I need to keep learning it. That’s why I’m planning to find partners for my next clinic. Better to work this stuff out with partners than with patients, as Nora so wisely commented a short while ago.